Solo Dates in September: Gongs, Gravy and One Actual Date

I set myself the challenge of going on two solo dates a month because I wanted to get better at doing the things that interested me without waiting for someone else to be free. Not because I’m making some grand statement about independence or because I’ve decided human company is overrated, but because organising anything with another adult can require the sort of forward planning normally associated with a military operation.

This month I chose a sound bath and Sunday Papers Live. I also went on an actual date through Breeze, which technically ruins the solo theme, but I’m including it because I went there alone, met a stranger and returned with a story. That feels close enough.

Solo date one: the sound bath

I had never been to a sound bath before and wasn’t entirely sure what would happen. I knew there would be mats, gongs and an expectation that I should lie still, which sounded manageable. I spend quite a lot of time lifting heavy things and trying to keep my body strong, but deliberately stopping is another matter entirely. Rest is important. I’ve scheduled some for November.

The room was beautiful and calm. I lay down, wrapped myself in a blanket and listened as the sounds moved around the room. At some point, my brain finally stopped reviewing my life, reorganising the week and remembering things I should have done three Tuesdays ago.

I left feeling completely serene. Not transformed, reborn or newly committed to drinking ceremonial cacao, just deeply relaxed. It was exactly what I needed, and I would absolutely do it again.

Solo date two: Sunday Papers Live

Sunday Papers Live was a completely different kind of day. It brings the Sunday newspapers to life through talks, interviews, politics, culture, food and conversation. The subjects were wonderfully varied, which meant I could listen to John Sweeney talking about Nigel Farage and politics, Professor Cecilia Rikap discussing artificial intelligence and corporate power, and Yisrael J Arthur exploring democracy in the twenty-first century, including how AI is being used to produce news and the thinking behind his independent media platform, NOVO.

There were many more talks throughout the day, along with comfortable sofas, drinks and a delicious Sunday roast. It felt intelligent without being stuffy and sociable without requiring me to arrive with a group of people. I could listen, wander, eat and follow whatever caught my attention. Frankly, interesting conversation followed by gravy is a very strong format for a Sunday.

The thing I noticed most was that I never felt alone. I was there on my own, but those are not the same thing. I wasn’t sitting in a corner wishing somebody had come with me. I was too busy enjoying myself.

And then there was the actual date

I also tried the Breeze dating app this month. I love the idea behind it because there is no endless texting to nowhere. You both say yes, the app arranges the date and you actually meet. Revolutionary, apparently.

The date was great. He wasn’t the great love of my life, but I didn’t have to message him for two weeks to discover that. We met, talked and had a perfectly pleasant time. That counts as a successful date to me, even if it doesn’t end with deleting the apps and jointly choosing a Labrador.

Dating can involve far too much administration for something that may be over before the second drink. Breeze removed much of that, and I appreciated the efficiency. I’m not suggesting romance should be run like a quarterly performance review, but there is something to be said for meeting someone before you have exchanged your complete employment history and sixteen good-morning messages.

What I learned this month

Solo dates are not about proving that you don’t need anybody. I like people. I enjoy company and would still happily go to these places with someone else. The point is that another person’s availability no longer gets the final vote on whether I have an interesting life.

A sound bath gave me the quiet I needed. Sunday Papers Live gave me ideas, conversation, comfortable sofas and roast potatoes. The Breeze date gave me a good evening and saved me from a fortnight of pointless texting. None of them needed to become more than they were to have been worth doing.

There are plenty of things I might have missed because nobody else was available, interested or organised enough to come with me. I’m trying not to do that anymore. I’m not waiting around to live my life. No one is promised tomorrow, and I refuse to spend today in a WhatsApp group asking whether everyone can do the third Sunday in six months’ time.

So that was September: gongs, politics, gravy and one perfectly decent date. I’d call that a successful month.

What would you do if you stopped waiting for somebody else to be free?